this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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