this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
