hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
