Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
