why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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