Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
