Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
