Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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