She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
