I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
