We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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