It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
