You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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