he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
