Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My feet surprised me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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