Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
