im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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