i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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