Dual....:-)
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
