ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
