I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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