I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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