She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
