so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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