"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
