This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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