Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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