Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
