Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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