Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
