Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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