He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
