Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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