Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
