Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
