This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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