why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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