her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
