Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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