So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
