I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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