dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
