The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
