so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
