finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
