I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
