Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
