Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
