Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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