so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
