How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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