Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
